| How to Handle
Difficult People
A bully at your work is
difficult for you to face. He is demanding you do part of his
job without pay or credit. How do you handle it?
Your neighbors are constantly
fighting. They wake you up in the middle of the night with
their screams and curses. What do you say to them?
Your father is unhappy about
your career choice. He constantly criticizes your work and
points out what he thinks you should do. How do you deal with
him?
Difficult situations are part
of everyone’s life. Employers and employees can’t get
along. Partners clash over money. Spouses cannot resolve
disagreements.
If you ignore these situations,
they always get worse. Employees get fired, partnerships and
marriages break up, everyone is miserable.
Waiting and worrying, the most
common "solution," also allows the problem to get
worse while giving you stress and shortening your life span.
If you attack the person, at
least you are trying to fix the problem. But attacks, rage or
irrational anger gives you a bad name, makes people afraid of
you and reduces honest communication.
Disconnecting from the problem
or from the person is not always wise or practical. Losing
employees, supporters and friends because you needlessly
disassociate from them may reduce your stress, but you might
also become lonely and poor.
The Best Solution Is to
Confront and Handle People
"The ability to stand up
to and confront and handle whatever comes the way of the
organization depends utterly on the ability of the individuals
of the organization to stand up to, confront and handle what
comes the individual's way." —
L. Ron Hubbard
When you face and resolve the
problem yourself, you feel wonderful. You are in control of
your life. You not only conquer the opposition, you conquer
your fear. Few accomplishments are more satisfying than
confronting someone who is difficult to face and handling the
conflict.
How to Confront and Handle
Someone
By getting organized and
working out a plan of action, confronting and handling people
becomes much easier. The key is your preparation.
"THE SUCCESS
OF ANY EVENT IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE TIMELY
PREPARATION." — L. Ron
Hubbard
Follow these seven steps to
prepare yourself for dealing with the difficult people in your
life.
1. Make the decision to face
up to the person directly and by yourself.
2. Write down the exact
problem you need to handle and your goal for the
confrontation.
Examples of problems to be
confronted that you might write down:
"Joe is refusing to pay me
despite our agreement."
"Chris is hurting office
morale and causing me stress with her continual
complaining."
"Bob is supposedly telling
people that my work is inferior and I am dishonest."
Once you specifically name or
identify the problem, write down a goal for the meeting. "By
the end of the meeting, I want . . . ."
Examples of goals or objectives
you might want as a result of a confrontation:
"Joe pays me in
full."
"Chris stops complaining
or leaves."
"Learn the truth about
Bob’s comments and if true, get him to stop it."
In some cases, your objective
may also state:
"Figure out if I want this
person as a partner/employee/boss/friend."
3. Write down a Plan or List
of Points You Need to Make to Support Your Goal: Facts,
Reasons and explanations you may need the other person to
understand. List the points in order of priority or
importance.
For example, to get Joe to
understand why he must pay you, you might make these points:
A. Joe requested the service.
B. Joe signed an agreement to
pay for the service.
C. We provided the service as
promised.
D. Joe was happy with the
service.
E. Etc.
4. Write down objections,
reactions or disagreements the other person may have. Include
everything you are afraid might happen during the meeting.
Putting specific concerns and fears in writing reduces their
impact on you.
For each objection, reaction or
disagreement you expect will happen, write a solution of how
you will deal with each.
5. Organize your notes and
gather supportive documents.
6. Arrange the meeting where
you will not be disturbed, preferably in a space you control.
7. Start the meeting.
A. Look the person directly
in the eye.
B. Explain the specific
problem you want to resolve as you noted in Step 2.
C. Go over your first point
on the list from Step 3.
D. Listen carefully to the
other person and make certain they feel understood.
E. Hold a position on your
points.
F. Use your solutions to
their reactions as you worked out in Step 4.
G. Continue describing your
points and listening to the person's side.
H. Do not give up.
Communicate and persist for as long as it takes to reach
your goal.
The more frequently you
confront and handle difficult people, the easier it becomes.
The amount of time it takes
to prepare for a confrontation decreases. You become strong
and tough.
When you confront and handle
everyone around you, people respect you for your courage, your
honesty and your control. Your associates, employees or
coworkers follow your example and become more productive. Your
enemies either become harmless or become friends.
Taking positive organized
action, despite fear, is the kind of courage all successful
people must have to succeed.
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